Teary

You know those days, where you just feel things more intensely than other days for no apparent reason? 

Yeah.

I had one of those yesterday.

I don’t know why – we had a fairly uneventful, and relaxing weekend.  We came to some decisions about how we’d like to observe Shabbat going forward but that wasn’t so much emotional as it’s something that just feels right for our family.  And it means I get to shop for a new crock pot, lol.  Amazon, here I come!

Then I caught this email newsletter that had a video from this free e-course Dressing Your Truth thing I signed up for months ago, but never followed through on.  For some reason, yesterday I did.  And then started kind of crying as I watched her describe the different (what she calls) energy types.  It’s weird, there are some days I feel like I know myself better than anyone else, then other days I feel like I haven’t gotten myself figured out at all.  But listening to someone else describe me was kind of … emotional.  I guess it touched a nerve.

Then one of my blogger friends, Kate over at Will Wally Wonder had this post about tracking down people from some old treasures she’s found at a market.  Ancestry Obsession  The thought of someone doing that, caring so much for the history of a thing that she’d try to find the descendants of the person to whom that thing belonged so she could return it – well that just brought on another wave of the weepies.  That is just so flipping cool to do that, take that much time and care.  Seriously awesome, Kate!

And  then Rara wrote a post on grief, and I cried.  unpolished musings on grief – rarasaur  It’s been a year since she lost her husband, and just last month she lost a dear friend.  My heart breaks for her.  I know what grief feels like.  And I’m reaching real hard but my arms aren’t quite long enough for a real live hug yet, but I’m trying, Ra, I’m trying!

Then today I went ahead and re-did a video tribute I made a few years ago for Memorial Day.  The music I picked and the images always make me cry.  Every. Single. Time.  Figured I’d just go ahead and get all the waterworks out of the way.  Now I can upload it to YouTube so I can share it here Monday. 

Normally, I wouldn’t even tell you about such things because I’m the stoic, you know?  I’m the one who holds it together.  I’m the one who tries to be upbeat.  I’m the one who doesn’t share unpleasant or sad things, especially tears.  I have long held tears to be a private thing.  But, just because I try not to make a big deal of feelings and emotions doesn’t mean I don’t have them.  I just don’t have them out loud.  Usually.  But … but I’m trying to be a little more open here.  I’m feeling closer to you guys, and I just wanted to let you know how I am.  I’m fine, really, I’m good.  Just been a little watery lately, lol. 

Now I have to get ready for my date with Amazon. 

Thank you for listening.  *hugs*