Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Fifty Dollars is Fifty Dollars

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, ‘Esther, I’d really like to ride in that helicopter.’

Esther always replied, ‘I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars’

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, ‘Esther, I’m 85 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.’

To this, Esther replied, ‘Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.’

The pilot overheard the couple and said, ‘Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don’t say a word I won’t charge you a penny! But if you say one word its fifty dollars.’

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, ‘By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t. I’m impressed!’

Morris replied, ‘Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!’

*****

I always feel so sorry for poor Esther every time I see this joke!

Have a wonderful weekend!  And make sure you’re strapped in!  😉

Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

A Visit to the Doctor

This gentleman goes to see his doctor and approaches the receptionist to sign in. He has been noticed by all in the reception area, as he has 2 carrots sticking in his ears, 2 celery stalks in his nose, and a tomato in his mouth.

The nurse quickly directs him to the examination room and requests that he sit on the table and the doctor will be with him shortly. Within a few minutes the doctor enters the room and looks at the man. The man removes the tomato from his mouth, slowly looks up at the doctor and asks “doctor, what is wrong with me?”

The doctor replies, “well for starters, you’re not eating properly”.

*****

Ba-dum-dum-tsh!  *rimshot*  I can tell people that – think I can charge the doctor’s rates?  Winking smile

Have an awesome weekend, and please remember to eat properly!  LOL

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Getting Older 

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office.

“Is it true,” she wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?”

“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’..”

*****

Yikes!  I hope it was a really big bottle!

Have an amazing weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Understanding Engineers 

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week.  “The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.  The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for one week and cook for you.”  Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.  Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess and that I’ll stay with you for one week and cook for you.  Why won’t you kiss me?”

The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog – now that’s cool.”

*****

So … I take it girlfriends are more demanding than talking frogs?  😉

Have a lovely weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

A Bit of Country Humor

Mississippi

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, “Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!”

Bubba replied, “Did y’all see who it was?”

The young man answered, “I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number.”

Texas

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch?  Don’t you see that sign right over your head.”

“Yep,” he replied. “That’s why I’m dumpin’ it here, ’cause it says: ‘Fine For Dumping Garbage.’ “

Tennessee

A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65.  The trooper asked, “Got any ID?”

The driver replied, “Bout whut?”

*****

Lolz, these kinds of things don’t only happen in the South! 

Have an awesome weekend!

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