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Country Club

A Catholic priest , a doctor, a rich businessman and an Italian Guy from New Jersey were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.

The  Italian Guy  fumed, ‘What’s with those guys? We’re waiting fifteen minutes between shots!’

The doctor chimed in, ‘I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such poor golf!’

The rich businessman called out, ‘Move it, time is money!’

The Catholic priest said, ‘Here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him. Excuse me, sir!’ said the priest, ‘What’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?’

The greens keeper replied, ‘Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.’

The group fell silent for a moment.

The Catholic priest said, ‘That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.’

The doctor said, ‘Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything that he might be able to do for them.’

The rich businessman replied, ‘I think I’ll donate $50,000 to the fire fighters union in honor of these brave souls!’

The Italian guy from  Hurley said, ‘Why can’t they play at night?

 

*****

You know, it’s tough to argue with that logic!  lol

Have an epic weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Saying goodnight to mother…………

We were dressed, and ready to go out for the New Year’s Eve Party.  We turned on a night light, switched the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.

As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scooted back into the house.  We didn’t want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife went out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat.  The cat ran upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.  Waiting in the cab, my wife didn’t want the driver to know that the house would be empty for the night.  So, she explained to the taxi driver that I would be out soon, “He’s just gone upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.”

A few minutes later, I got into the cab. “Sorry I took so long,” I said, as we drove away. “The stupid thing was hiding under the bed.  I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!”

The cab driver hit a parked car.

 

*****

Hahahaha! 

Have a lovely weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Children’s Nuggets of Wisdom

-Never trust a dog to watch your food. – Patrick, age 10

-When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” don’t answer him. – Michael, 14

-Never tell your mom her diet’s not working. – Michael, 14

-Stay away from prunes. – Randy, 9

-Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment. – Traci, 14

-Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a tic tac. – Andrew, 9

-Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. – Kyoyo, 9

-You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. – Armir, 9

-If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse. – Naomi, 15

-Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. – Lauren, 9

-Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat. – Joel, 10

-Never try to baptize a cat. – Eileen, 8

 

*****

I suspect a lot of these kids are going to go far in life!  lol 

Have a great weekend!

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Posted in Funnies

Funnies

Senior Moment

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.”

The other man said, “What’s the name of the restaurant?”

The first man knits his brow in obvious concentration, and finally said to his companion, “Aahh, What is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?

His friends replies, “A Carnation??”

“No. No. The other one” the man says.

His friend offers another suggestion, “The Poppy?”

“Nahhhh, growls the man. You know the one that is red and has thorns.”

His friend said, “Do you mean a rose?”

“Yes, Yes that’s it. Thank you!” the first man says.

He then turns toward the kitchen and yells, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”

*****

Hahaha, I feel just like that!

Have an epic weekend!

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Funnies

The New Suit

Harry wanted a new suit so he bought a nice piece of cloth and tried to find a good tailor.

The first tailor he visited looked at the cloth, measured Harry, then told him there was not enough cloth to make a suit.

Harry found this hard to accept, so he went to the tailor next door who measured both Harry and the cloth before announcing that there was enough cloth to make a three-piece suit.

A week later, Harry returned to collect his suit and noticed that the tailor’s son was wearing trousers made of the same cloth.

Puzzled, Harry asked: “How come you have been able to make a three-piece suit for me and trousers for your son when the chap next door could not even make a suit?”

“Simple,” said the tailor. “The guy next door has two sons.”

*****

I always wondered what they did with the extra!  😉

Have a wonderful weekend!

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Posted in Funnies

Funnies

The Lawyer And The Angel

After dying suddenly at the age of 46, Jack the lawyer was greeted by an angel at the gates of Heaven.

“We’ve been waiting for you for a long time,” the angel said.

“What do you mean?” Jack replied. “I’m 46, right in the prime of my life, far too young to die.”

“You’re not 46, you’re 85,” said the angel.

“If you think I’m 85 then you definitely have the wrong guy. I can even show you my birth certificate,” Jack said.

The angel told Jack to wait while he went and checked some records. After a few minutes the angel returned and said, “By our records you are 85. I’ve checked all the hours you’ve billed your clients and you definitely have to be 85!”

*****

Ha!  Yep, those billable hours finally came back to bite him! 

Have a great weekend!

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Posted in Funnies

Funnies

Bureaucracy Fun

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.

Congress said, “Someone may steal from it at night.”  So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job. 

Then Congress said, “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?”

So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies. 

Then Congress said, “How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?” So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people, one to do the studies and one to write the reports. 

Then Congress said, “How are these people going to get paid?” So They created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people. 

Then Congress said, “Who will be accountable for all of these people?” So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary. 

Then Congress said, “We have had this command in operation for one Year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost.”  So they laid off the night watchman.

*****

Sounds about right!  😉

Have a lovely weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Snow Plow Advice

It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the young lady got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her daddy’s advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it.
As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions. After quite some time had passed she was somewhat surprised when the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time.
She said that she was fine and told him of her daddy’s advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard. The driver replied that it was OK with him and she could continue if she wanted but he was done with the WalMart parking lot and was going over to K-Mart next.

*****

Hey, that snowplow driver has to go home sometime, right?  😉

Have an awesome weekend!

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