Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

The Bridge

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, “LOW BRIDGE AHEAD”. Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got your truck stuck, huh?”

The truck driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.”

*****

Reminds me of a song that used to crack me up.  😀

Friend of mine, who first shared that song with me years ago, once said to me, “Man, that sun sure is hot today!”

To which I replied, “The sun is hot every day.  Here’s your sign!”  We had a good laugh.  😀

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Funnies

Book Titles

The Art of Archery by Beau N. Arrow

Desert Crossing by I. Rhoda Camel

School Truancy by Marcus Absent

The Cloakroom Attendant by Mahatma Coate

Unbalanced by Eileen Dover and Phil Down

The Philippine Post Office by Imelda Letter

How to Write Big Books by Warren Peace

*****

Oh, we used to do these when I was a kid in school!  One we had was “The Mummy and the Monster” by Frank N. Stein.  Another one was “Yellow River” by I.P. Freely.  Ah, kid humor!  lol

Have a great weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

The Bribe

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers.

“So,” he said, “I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe.” Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably.

“You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000.”

The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon …

“Now then, I’m returning $5,000, and we’re going to decide this case solely on its merits.”

*****

*snort*  I think a lot of us fear this is all too real and we just don’t know it, making the joke on us!

Have an epic weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

The Efficiency Expert

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You don’t want to try these techniques at home.”

“Why not?” asked someone from the back of the audience.

“I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. ‘Hon,’ I suggested, ‘Why don’t you try carrying several things at once?'”

The voice from the back asked, “Did it save time?”

The expert replied, “Actually, yes. It used to take her twenty minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven.”

*****

Yep, that sounds about right!  😀

Have a wonderful weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

I Don’t Want To Go To Church!

A mother went to wake her son for church one Sunday morning. When she knocked on his door, he said, “I’m not going!”

“Why not?” asked his mother.

“I’ll give you two good reasons,” he said. “One, they don’t like me. Two, I don’t like them.”

His mother replied, “I’ll give you two good reasons why YOU WILL go to church. One, you’re 47 years old. Two, you’re the pastor!”

 

*****

Sometimes you just have to give your kids some tough love. 😉

Have a great weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Hearing Better Now

An elderly man was having hearing problems and went to see a specialist. The doctor fitted him with some hearing aids that brought his hearing back to full strength.

After a few weeks the man came back to make sure the new equipment was working properly, which it was.

The hearing specialist said, “It all seems perfect. Your family should be delighted you can hear everything now.”

“Oh no,” the man responded. “I haven’t told any of them. I just sit quietly, listening carefully. I’ve changed my will four times.”

 

*****

Sounds like a pretty wise man, to me! 

Have a lovely weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Yardwork

Simon’s mower motor had finally given up the ghost. His wife, Maria, kept dropping hints about getting it fixed before the grass grew too tall, but the message wasn’t getting through, and Simon kept procrastinating and putting off doing the repairs.

Frustrated, Maria decided on what she thought was a clever way to make her point. When Simon arrived home from work, he found Maria sitting in the grass, clipping it by hand with a tiny pair of scissors.

Simon, totally amazed, watched silently for a few minutes, then went into the house only to appear again a few minutes later where he handed her a toothbrush. ‘When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the sidewalks,’ said Simon ungraciously.

 

*****

You know where the surgeon eventually found those scissors and toothbrush, right?  😉

Have an epic weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Golf Complaints

Four senior golfers hit the course, some of them with waning enthusiasm for the sport.

“These hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” one complained.

“These fairways seem to be getting longer too,” said one of the others.

“The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too,” said the third senior.

After hearing enough from his senior buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the four of them at 87 years old, piped up and said, “Quit your dang complaining and just be thankful we’re still on the RIGHT SIDE of the grass!”

 

*****

Yeah, things look a little different on the root side of the grass! 

Have a wonderful weekend!

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