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Country Club

A Catholic priest , a doctor, a rich businessman and an Italian Guy from New Jersey were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.

The  Italian Guy  fumed, ‘What’s with those guys? We’re waiting fifteen minutes between shots!’

The doctor chimed in, ‘I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such poor golf!’

The rich businessman called out, ‘Move it, time is money!’

The Catholic priest said, ‘Here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him. Excuse me, sir!’ said the priest, ‘What’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?’

The greens keeper replied, ‘Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.’

The group fell silent for a moment.

The Catholic priest said, ‘That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.’

The doctor said, ‘Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything that he might be able to do for them.’

The rich businessman replied, ‘I think I’ll donate $50,000 to the fire fighters union in honor of these brave souls!’

The Italian guy from  Hurley said, ‘Why can’t they play at night?

 

*****

You know, it’s tough to argue with that logic!  lol

Have an epic weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Saying goodnight to mother…………

We were dressed, and ready to go out for the New Year’s Eve Party.  We turned on a night light, switched the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.

As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scooted back into the house.  We didn’t want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife went out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat.  The cat ran upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.  Waiting in the cab, my wife didn’t want the driver to know that the house would be empty for the night.  So, she explained to the taxi driver that I would be out soon, “He’s just gone upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.”

A few minutes later, I got into the cab. “Sorry I took so long,” I said, as we drove away. “The stupid thing was hiding under the bed.  I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!”

The cab driver hit a parked car.

 

*****

Hahahaha! 

Have a lovely weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Children’s Nuggets of Wisdom

-Never trust a dog to watch your food. – Patrick, age 10

-When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” don’t answer him. – Michael, 14

-Never tell your mom her diet’s not working. – Michael, 14

-Stay away from prunes. – Randy, 9

-Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment. – Traci, 14

-Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a tic tac. – Andrew, 9

-Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. – Kyoyo, 9

-You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. – Armir, 9

-If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse. – Naomi, 15

-Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. – Lauren, 9

-Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat. – Joel, 10

-Never try to baptize a cat. – Eileen, 8

 

*****

I suspect a lot of these kids are going to go far in life!  lol 

Have a great weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Snow Plow Advice

It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the young lady got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her daddy’s advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it.
As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions. After quite some time had passed she was somewhat surprised when the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time.
She said that she was fine and told him of her daddy’s advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard. The driver replied that it was OK with him and she could continue if she wanted but he was done with the WalMart parking lot and was going over to K-Mart next.

*****

Hey, that snowplow driver has to go home sometime, right?  😉

Have an awesome weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Pentecostal Dog

A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife.
“Fetch the Bible,” he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner. “Now find Psalm 23,” he commanded. The dog placed the Bible on the floor and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog.
That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, “Can he do regular dog tricks, too?”
“I haven’t tried yet,” the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at the dog. “HEEL!” the pastor commanded.
The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor’s forehead and began to howl.
The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, “Good Lord! He’s Pentecostal!!!”

*****

Well, as long as he’s something, I suppose.  I mean, it is Easter weekend, after all.  😉

Have a blessed weekend!

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Funnies

Morning Joy

Renee and Daniel have been married for over 50 years. One morning, they both awake from a good night’s sleep. As usual, Daniel reaches over and takes her hand in his.
“Don’t touch me,” says Renee.
“Why not, my dear?” replies a shocked Daniel.
“Because,” says Renee, “I’m dead.”
“What on earth are you talking about?” says Daniel, “We’re both lying here in bed together and we’re talking to one another. How can you be dead?”
“But I am, Daniel,” says Renee, “I’m definitely dead. I’m sure of it.”
“So what makes you think you’re dead?” asks Daniel.
“Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts.”

*****

I can relate to this a little too well!  Every morning, let the pain begin!  If nothing hurt when I woke up, I’d probably think I was dead, too, lol.

Have a wonderful weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Wife’s Favorite Flour

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”
He then addressed the men. “Can you name and describe your wife’s favorite flower?”
Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered, “Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn’t it?” 

*****

Ha!  Got to give a man credit for trying!  lol

Have a lovely weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

New Jersey Hunters

“A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

“The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: ‘My friend is dead! What can I do?’

“The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: ‘Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.’

“There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: ‘OK, now what?’”

*****

I guess it’s good to be sure.  o_O

Have a great weekend!

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