Senior Wisdom
“The older you get, the harder it is to lose weight because by that time your body and your fat are really good friends.”
*****
I’d never want to come between friends!
Have an awesome weekend!
Tag: Laughing
Funnies
Not Really Repentance
A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on Psalms 51:2-4 [knowing my own hidden secrets] and Psalm 52:3-4 [lies and deceit], a man wrote the following letter to the IRS:
I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income, and have enclosed a check for $350.00. If I still can’t sleep, I will send the rest.
*****
I confess, I kind of like the man’s style, lol. 😉
Have an epic weekend!
Funnies
Pig!
Eddie was driving down the road and met a car coming the other way.
Although there was room to pass easily, Eddie forced the oncoming car to slow down, rolled down his window and shouted “Pig!”.
Astonished, the other driver looked in his rear view mirror and swore at Eddie…
Then his car hit the pig.
*****
This just hit my funny bone and cracked me up. 🙂
Have a great weekend!
Funnies
The Proposal
The neighbors thought it was odd, but 93 year old Morton was dating again. One Monday morning Morton woke up with a funny feeling that something important happened last night. It was during breakfast, that Morton finally remembered what it was. He had proposed to his date Greta. But what she answered he just couldn’t seem to remember. Morton picked up the phone and dialed. “Hi Greta”, said Morton, “I have a funny question for you, do you remember last night when I proposed?”
“Oh my gosh” gushed Greta, “I’m so glad you called, I knew I said yes to somebody but I just couldn’t recall who it was!”
*****
Sounds like a wonderful match! lol
Have a lovely weekend!
Funnies
What’s the name of that flower?
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.’
The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’
The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know…. The one that’s red and has thorns.’
‘Do you mean a rose?’
‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’
*****
I bet Rose remembers her husband’s name! lol
Have a wonderful weekend!
Funnies
Groaners
– My friend says to me: “What rhymes with orange” I said: “no it doesn’t”
– I want to grow my own food, but I can’t find bacon seeds.
– I checked into the Hokey Pokey Clinic and turned myself around.
– So what if I don’t know what Armageddon means? It’s not the end of the world.
– I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
– Before your criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and have their shoes.
– My wife said I never listen to her, or something like that.
*****
Ha! Gotta love the groaners!
Have an awesome weekend!
Funnies
Where Are We?
A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch.
At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?”
She leaned over the counter and said, “Burrr-gerrr Kiiing.”
*****
This one cracked me up. I can totally see me and my husband doing the exact same thing. 😀
Have an epic weekend!
Funnies
The Florist
A client bought a new home and the broker wanted to send flowers for the occasion.
They arrived at the home and the owner read the card; it said “Rest in Peace”
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said. “Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this. Somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, “Congratulations on your new home”.
*****
Well, if you think about it – it kind of fits!
Have a lovely weekend!
Vanessence 