Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

The following are maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (“P”) and solutions recorded (“S”) by maintenance engineers:

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

*****

BAHahahahaha!  Oh I LOVE these!  I know I’ve read them before, but each time I just about pee myself laughing! 

Have an amazing last weekend in August!

All rights reserved by Vanessence

Posted in Family Life, Holiday, Kids, Parenting

Merry Christmas!

What?  You don’t celebrate Christmas in August?

Normally, we don’t either, although one year we did celebrate it in January. 

This year, it seems, we’ve shaken things up a bit.  Okay, a lot.  Touché!

You see, we wanted to do something special for the kids again this year.  We had two ideas, Plan A, or Plan B, but my husband and I weren’t sure which one the kids would prefer.  After kicking it around between the two of us, we figured we should probably bring the kids into the discussion too, since it most affected them.

They were all excited, and after a bit of discussion, made their choice.  And I mean, they really didn’t hesitate in the least.  Once presented with the options, they knew exactly what they wanted.

I apologized to them for spoiling Christmas, but at least they had something to look forward to. 

So I thought.

They couldn’t wait for December.  They approached us and asked if it were possible to get it now, instead of waiting. 

Honestly, I couldn’t think of a good reason.  Neither could their dad.

So, we made the decision and went shopping.  All the Christmas fund has been spent.

On the bright side, no wrapping presents!

On the down side, no presents to unwrap.

On the bright side, I had a Christmas fund to spend!

As usual, our first purchase was a disaster, and I spent I don’t know how many hours online trying to search for solutions.  This doesn’t work that doesn’t work and how the heck are we supposed to get it to be how we want it?  Much swearing ensued.

So that necessitated another round to the store to return purchase A, and spend time hemming and hawing over what purchase B should be … So far so good on purchase B.

I feel like I need to set my mailbox in front of Best Buy.  I have been there so many times in the last few days, sheesh! 

I am something like nearly a week behind in my email and WordPress, my house is an even bigger disaster than it was before (Please tell me I’m not the only one who hates vacuuming!), but my kids had Christmas in August and it’s pretty doggone amazing when I stop to think that things were so bad a few years ago that I tried to make them Christmas presents out of socks so it wouldn’t be empty under the tree. 

My kids are over the moon happy, which of course makes dad and I over the moon happy.  We’ll still put up the Christmas tree in December and decorate and eat all the bad food that we’re not supposed to eat.  We’ll still listen to Christmas music until our ears explode, and we’ll absolutely remember the whole Reason for the season in the first place. 

We just won’t open presents.  And not because we can’t like other years, but because we were blessed to be able to choose to do it a little differently this year.

Besides, Christmas should be like an every-day kind of thing, right?  When Christmas lives in your heart, it doesn’t matter what month it is. 

Merry Christmas!

All rights reserved by Vanessence

Posted in Re-Blog

A New Goliath – Part 3

A great, and encouraging, read! Please check it out! ~Ness

“Then your light will break out like the dawn, And your recovery will speedily spring forth; And your righteousness will go before you; The glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.” Isaiah …

Source: A New Goliath – Part 3

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Posted in In My InoReader, Re-Blog, What I'm Reading

No, I Do NOT Want to Share With You | Backwards in High Heels

Probably every mom has had those moments.😀

It was cold when I woke up at 4:00 am and reached for the blanket’s edge. I gave it a tug, but my sleeping husband rolled over and took the last available scrap with him, rolling up into a tight…

Source: No, I Do NOT Want to Share With You | Backwards in High Heels