Posted in Jokes, Funnies, Laughing

Funnies

Old Penny Pincher

An old penny pincher had no friends. Just before he died he asked his doctor, lawyer, and pastor to gather around him at bedside.

“I have always heard that you can’t take it with you. But I want to disprove that theory,” he said. “I have $90,000 under my mattress, and when I die, just before they throw the dirt on me at my burial, I want you each to toss in an envelope with $30,000 within.”

The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope in the grave.

On the way back from the cemetery, the pastor said, “I must confess. I needed $10,000 for my new church, so I only threw in $20,000.”

The doctor then said, “I must confess too. I needed $20,000 for a new hospital I was opening up, so I only threw in $10,000.”

The lawyer looked at them both and shook his head. He then said, “Gentlemen, I’m surprised, shocked, and ashamed of you. I don’t see how you could dare to go against that man’s final wish. I mean, I threw in my personal check for the full amount.”

*****

His personal check!  Niiiice!  lolol

Have a great weekend! 

All rights reserved by Vanessence

Posted in PithyNess

PithyNess

9eb5511d4d502934e4bfe1905a70e0d9

 

All rights reserved by Vanessence

Posted in Bible, Faith

Isaiah 12:4

Isaiah 12:4“In that day you will say: “Give praise to the LORD, proclaim his name; make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that his name is exalted.”

Brought to you by BibleGateway.com. Copyright (C) . All Rights Reserved.

All rights reserved by Vanessence

Posted in Quiz

Are You Red, White, or Blue?

You Are Red

You are a highly passionate person, and you’d stand up and fight for anything you believe in.
You’re a lot like the founders of the United States. You are a bit of a revolutionary.
Like most modern Americans, you have things you love and hate about the USA … and you’re not afraid to say what they are.
Keep expressing your opinion and acting to fix what’s wrong. People like you are what makes the USA great.

This is one of the results from the quiz, Are You Red, White, or Blue?

*****

Well.  Yeah.  🙂

All rights reserved by Vanessence

Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

The Things Kids Say

1. I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!’

2. On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.’

3. A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of its glass jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer it.

‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now,’ she said. ‘She’s hitting the bottle.’

4. It was the end of my shift and I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.

‘Is that a dog you got back there?’ he asked.

‘It sure is,’ I replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, ‘What’d he do?’

5. While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my rounds. She was always fascinated by people’s canes, walkers and wheelchairs.

    One day I saw her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, ‘The tooth fairy will never believe this!’

6. Walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates found a dead robin. Feeling that a proper burial should be performed, they secured a shoebox, lined it with tissue, then dug a hole to dispose of the deceased.

    The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers. With all the dignity he could muster, he intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: ‘Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.’ (I want this line used at my funeral!)

7. A little girl had just finished her first week of school. ‘I’m just wasting my time,’ she said to her mother. ‘I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’

8. A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.

‘Mama, look what I found,’ the boy called out.

‘What have you got there, dear?’

With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, ‘I think it’s Adam’s underwear!’

*****

Kids are the funniest of all! 

Have an amazing weekend!

All rights reserved by Vanessence

Posted in PithyNess

PithyNess

dbeddd13f53a9109e26cc6bea2f66548

 

All rights reserved by Vanessence

Posted in Bible, Faith

2 Peter 3:9

2 Peter 3:9“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”

Brought to you by BibleGateway.com. Copyright (C) . All Rights Reserved.

All rights reserved by Vanessence

Posted in Quiz

The Colorful Pattern Test

 
You are outspoken and quirky. There’s nothing subtle about you.
You tend to motivate others and raise spirits. You are a natural team leader.

You don’t worry too much about who you are or how you’re perceived. You’re happy to just be yourself.
Energetic and lively, you are always on the go. You’re doing a million things at once and doing them well.

 
 
*****
Energetic.  Hahahaha!  It said I was energetic!  lmao

All rights reserved by Vanessence