Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Sports Minded

A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, “I’m not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play” The player agreed.

The coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, “Okay, now concentrate… what is two plus two?”

The player thought for a moment and then he answered, “4?”

“Did you say 4?!?” the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.

At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, “Come on coach, give him another chance!”

 

*****

Hahaha!  Okay, I confess, I didn’t see that ending coming!

Have an epic weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

A Priest, A Minister, A Rabbi And A Bear

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So each one goes into the woods, finds  bear, and attempts to convert it. Later, they all get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

 

*****

*snort*  Yeah, maybe!  lol

Have a great weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Pregnancy Q & A

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is enough.

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Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

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Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?

A: Childbirth.

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Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.

A: So what’s your question?

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Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

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Q: When is the best time to get an epidural ?

A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

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Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

A: Not unless the word ‘alimony’ means anything to you.

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Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

A: Yes, pregnancy.

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Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?

A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

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Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: When the kids are in college.

 

*****

Some of those were a tad too true!  lol

Have a wonderful weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Mother Knows Best

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how John and his roommate Julie looked at each other. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this only made her more curious. By the end of the evening she was convinced there was more between them than met the eye. Reading his mom’s thoughts, John volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Julie and I are just roommates.”

About a week later, Julie went to John saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver gravy ladle. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?”

John said, “Well, I doubt it, but I’ll email her just to be sure.”

So he sat down and wrote: “Dear Mother, I’m not saying that you ‘did’ take the gravy ladle from my house, I’m not saying that you ‘did not’ take the gravy ladle but the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, John.”

The next day, John received a response from his mother that read:

“Dear Son, I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Julie, and I’m not saying that you ‘do not’ sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom.”

*****

Hahaha!  Can’t fool mom!

Have an epic weekend! 

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

The Travel Genie

An older couple were walking on a beach when the husband tripped over a bottle and a genie popped out.

“You can each have one wish,” said the genie.

The wife made her wish first “I would like to travel around the world, with my husband,”. Suddenly there appeared in her hand two tickets for travel around the world.

Now it was the husbands turn, “Well” said the husband, with a naughty look on his face “I wish I can have a younger companion.”  The words were barely out of his mouth when poof, he aged 20 years!

*****

With my luck, that’d be the genie I’d find.  😀

Have an awesome weekend! 

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Blind Pilots

Two men dressed in pilots’ uniforms walk up the aisle of the aircraft. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some kind of a sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people sitting in the window seats realize they’re headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport property. Just as it begins to look as though the plane will plow straight into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.

At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines and books, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

Meanwhile, in the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, ‘You know, Bob, one of these days, they’re gonna scream a little too late.

*****

I confess, I didn’t see that ending coming!  😉

Have a lovely weekend! 

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Nervous Crew Member

A very nervous first time crew member says to the skipper, “Do yachts like this sink very often?”

“Not too often,” replied the skipper. “Usually it’s only the once.”

*****

It’s like parachuting … you only forget your parachute once.  😉 

Have a great weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Spring Fever

Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire.

Much to their relief she smiled and said, “Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper.”

Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: “First Question: Which tire was flat?”

 

*****

Rut-roh Shaggy!  They got caught!

Have an awesome weekend!

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