Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Blonde rights!

A ventriloquist is touring comedy clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blond woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting:  “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.  What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being?

It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!”

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blond yells, “You stay out of this, Mister! I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”

*****

*facepalm*  D’oh!

Have an epically blonde weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Your County at Work!

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road. “I can’t stand this,” said the man tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the men.

“Hold it, hold it,” he said to the men. “Can you tell me what’s going on here with this digging?”

“Well, we work for the county government, ” one of the men said.

“But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. You’re not accomplishing anything. Aren’t you wasting the county’s money?”

“You don’t understand, mister,” one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. “Normally there’s three of us–me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back.”

“Yea,” piped up Mike. “Now just because Rodney’s sick, that don’t mean we can’t work, does it?”

*****

*snort*  Yeah, government workers, right?  lol

Have a wonderfully lazy weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Chief Samurai Tryouts

Back in the time when the Samurai were important, there was a powerful emperor who needed a new chief Samurai, so he sent a declaration throughout the land that he was searching for the very best.

A year passed, and only 3 people showed up for the trials: a Japanese Samurai, a Chinese Samurai and a Jewish Samurai.

The emperor asked the Japanese Samurai to demonstrate why he should be the Chief Samurai.

The Japanese Samurai opened a match box,and out flew a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his razor sharp sword, and the bumblebee dropped dead on the ground in 2 pieces. The emperor exclaimed: “This is most impressive!”

The emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese Samurai.

The Chinese Samurai also opened a match box, and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, Whoosh! went his great flashing sword, and the fly dropped dead on the ground …..in four small pieces.

The emperor exclaimed in awe: “That is really VERY impressive!”

Now the emperor turned to the Jewish Samurai and asked him also to step forward and demonstrate why he should be the Head Samurai.

The Jewish Samurai also opened a match box, and out flew a small gnat.His lightning quick sword went Whooooosh!  Whooooosh!  Whoooosh!  But the tiny gnat was still alive and flying around.

The emperor, obviously very disappointed in this display, said: “I see you are not up to the task. The gnat is not dead.”

The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said: “Circumcision is not meant to kill.”

*****

Bahahaha!  Did NOT see that one coming, and I should have!  lol

Have an epic weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Three Sisters

Three elderly sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, shared a house together. One evening, the 96 year old sister went upstairs to take a bath. As she put her foot into the tub, she paused. Then she yelled down to the other two sisters and asked, “Was I getting in the tub or out?”

“You dern fool,” said the 94 year old. “I’ll come up and see.” When she got half way up the stairs she paused. “Was I going up the stairs or down?”

The 92 year old sister was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of tea and thought, “I hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.” She shook her head and called out, “I’ll be up to help you both as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

*****

Ha!  Scarily, I think I’m halfway there myself!  lol

Have an epic weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

The Church Gossip 

Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several residents were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

Mildred made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon. She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He didn’t explain, defend, or deny, he said nothing.  Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred’s house . . .and left it there all night.

*****

Hahahaha!  Oh I love this one!  😀

Have a wonderful weekend!

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