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Blind Pilots

Two men dressed in pilots’ uniforms walk up the aisle of the aircraft. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some kind of a sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people sitting in the window seats realize they’re headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport property. Just as it begins to look as though the plane will plow straight into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.

At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines and books, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

Meanwhile, in the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, ‘You know, Bob, one of these days, they’re gonna scream a little too late.

*****

I confess, I didn’t see that ending coming!  😉

Have a lovely weekend! 

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Nervous Crew Member

A very nervous first time crew member says to the skipper, “Do yachts like this sink very often?”

“Not too often,” replied the skipper. “Usually it’s only the once.”

*****

It’s like parachuting … you only forget your parachute once.  😉 

Have a great weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Spring Fever

Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire.

Much to their relief she smiled and said, “Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper.”

Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: “First Question: Which tire was flat?”

 

*****

Rut-roh Shaggy!  They got caught!

Have an awesome weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

The Interview

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?”

The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?”

The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?”

The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”

 

*****

Hahaha, I’m pretty sure I dated that kid back in the day! 

Have a wonderful weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Country Club

A Catholic priest , a doctor, a rich businessman and an Italian Guy from New Jersey were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.

The  Italian Guy  fumed, ‘What’s with those guys? We’re waiting fifteen minutes between shots!’

The doctor chimed in, ‘I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such poor golf!’

The rich businessman called out, ‘Move it, time is money!’

The Catholic priest said, ‘Here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him. Excuse me, sir!’ said the priest, ‘What’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?’

The greens keeper replied, ‘Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.’

The group fell silent for a moment.

The Catholic priest said, ‘That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.’

The doctor said, ‘Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything that he might be able to do for them.’

The rich businessman replied, ‘I think I’ll donate $50,000 to the fire fighters union in honor of these brave souls!’

The Italian guy from  Hurley said, ‘Why can’t they play at night?

 

*****

You know, it’s tough to argue with that logic!  lol

Have an epic weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

Funnies

Saying goodnight to mother…………

We were dressed, and ready to go out for the New Year’s Eve Party.  We turned on a night light, switched the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.

As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scooted back into the house.  We didn’t want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife went out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat.  The cat ran upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.  Waiting in the cab, my wife didn’t want the driver to know that the house would be empty for the night.  So, she explained to the taxi driver that I would be out soon, “He’s just gone upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.”

A few minutes later, I got into the cab. “Sorry I took so long,” I said, as we drove away. “The stupid thing was hiding under the bed.  I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!”

The cab driver hit a parked car.

 

*****

Hahahaha! 

Have a lovely weekend!

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Posted in Funnies, Jokes, Laughing

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Children’s Nuggets of Wisdom

-Never trust a dog to watch your food. – Patrick, age 10

-When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” don’t answer him. – Michael, 14

-Never tell your mom her diet’s not working. – Michael, 14

-Stay away from prunes. – Randy, 9

-Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment. – Traci, 14

-Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a tic tac. – Andrew, 9

-Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. – Kyoyo, 9

-You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. – Armir, 9

-If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse. – Naomi, 15

-Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. – Lauren, 9

-Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat. – Joel, 10

-Never try to baptize a cat. – Eileen, 8

 

*****

I suspect a lot of these kids are going to go far in life!  lol 

Have a great weekend!

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Funnies

Senior Moment

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.”

The other man said, “What’s the name of the restaurant?”

The first man knits his brow in obvious concentration, and finally said to his companion, “Aahh, What is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?

His friends replies, “A Carnation??”

“No. No. The other one” the man says.

His friend offers another suggestion, “The Poppy?”

“Nahhhh, growls the man. You know the one that is red and has thorns.”

His friend said, “Do you mean a rose?”

“Yes, Yes that’s it. Thank you!” the first man says.

He then turns toward the kitchen and yells, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”

*****

Hahaha, I feel just like that!

Have an epic weekend!

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