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English Grammar Lesson

The difference between “complete” and “finished”.

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words.  In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.

The final question was: ‘How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand?’ Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.   Here is his astute answer:

“When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.  When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED.  And when the right one catches you with the wrong one,  you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!”

(FYI: This is a joke. To our knowledge the contest never took place and the individual doesn’t exist)

*****

This might be one of the best explanations I’ve ever heard!  Hahaha!

Have a fantastic weekend!

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Funnies

Job Difficulties

I’m not having much luck with jobs lately…

1. I couldn’t concentrate in the Orange Juice factory.

2. I wasn’t Suited to be a Taylor.

3. The Muffler Factory was just Exhausting.

4. I couldn’t Cut it as a Barber.

5. I didn’t have the Patience to be a Doctor.

6. The Paper shop Folded.

7. The Pool maintenance was too Draining.

8. I got Fired from the Cannon factory.

9. And I just didn’t see any Future as a Historian.

*****

It’s a rough life at the sandpaper factory, too!

Have a lovely weekend!

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Millennial Marriage

The E-Mail

Dearest Dad….

I’m coming home to get married soon, so get your check book out.  I’m in love with a man who is far away from me.

As you know, I’m in Australia and he lives in Scotland.

We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, and had long chats on WhatsApp.  He proposed to me on Skype, and now we’ve had two months of a relationship through Viber.

My beloved Dad, I’d like your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding.

Lots of love and thanks.

Your daughter, Lilly

The Response

My Dear Lilly,

Like wow! Cool!

I suggest that you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all through PayPal.

And when you get fed up with your new husband, sell him on eBay.

Love,

Your Dad

*****

That Dad – he’s always got an answer!  lol

Have a great weekend!

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Funnies

New Employees

A large organization had recently hired several cannibals. After conducting a lengthy new hire orientation, the human resource director congratulated the cannibals and said, “You are all part of the team now! You get all of the benefits we have discussed, and you can enjoy our company cafe free of charge! But please don’t eat any of the other employees.” Each of the cannibals promised they wouldn’t.

After a few weeks the cannibal’s boss seemed very pleased, but also a little worried. She said, “You’re all working very hard, and I’m satisfied with you. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?” The cannibals all shook their heads, “No.”

After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals was a bit angry and said, “Okay, which one of you dummies ate the secretary?”

A hand rose hesitantly in admission. “You fool!” said the leader, “For weeks we’ve been eating managers and no one noticed anything, but nooo, you had to go and eat someone important!!!”

*****

I think those office parties are going to get smaller and smaller …

Have a lovely weekend!

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Funnies

The Bridge

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, “LOW BRIDGE AHEAD”. Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got your truck stuck, huh?”

The truck driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.”

*****

Reminds me of a song that used to crack me up.  😀

Friend of mine, who first shared that song with me years ago, once said to me, “Man, that sun sure is hot today!”

To which I replied, “The sun is hot every day.  Here’s your sign!”  We had a good laugh.  😀

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Book Titles

The Art of Archery by Beau N. Arrow

Desert Crossing by I. Rhoda Camel

School Truancy by Marcus Absent

The Cloakroom Attendant by Mahatma Coate

Unbalanced by Eileen Dover and Phil Down

The Philippine Post Office by Imelda Letter

How to Write Big Books by Warren Peace

*****

Oh, we used to do these when I was a kid in school!  One we had was “The Mummy and the Monster” by Frank N. Stein.  Another one was “Yellow River” by I.P. Freely.  Ah, kid humor!  lol

Have a great weekend!

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Funnies

The Bribe

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers.

“So,” he said, “I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe.” Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably.

“You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000.”

The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon …

“Now then, I’m returning $5,000, and we’re going to decide this case solely on its merits.”

*****

*snort*  I think a lot of us fear this is all too real and we just don’t know it, making the joke on us!

Have an epic weekend!

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Funnies

The Efficiency Expert

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You don’t want to try these techniques at home.”

“Why not?” asked someone from the back of the audience.

“I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. ‘Hon,’ I suggested, ‘Why don’t you try carrying several things at once?'”

The voice from the back asked, “Did it save time?”

The expert replied, “Actually, yes. It used to take her twenty minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven.”

*****

Yep, that sounds about right!  😀

Have a wonderful weekend!

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