My schedule for my Thankfulness posts is the 2nd Thursday of the month, not on Tuesdays. But that day … well, it’s hard sometimes to write something on thankfulness when your heart is heavy. That’s probably the best time to though, isn’t it?
I have a friend, a dear friend of 30 years (wow!) who’s going through a divorce. I met her not too long after I met my ex, because my ex and her husband went to high school together. She and her husband chose Team Vanessa when I got divorced, and since we lived much closer than we do now, they were able to help me a lot – giving me a place to crash, food to eat after my ex cleaned out the accounts, that sort of thing. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without her. She never wavered in her support of me. As my ex’s true nature became more and more exposed, she realized all I’d kept silent about during my marriage, out of shame and embarrassment, and some misplaced sense of honor. She stood by me when even my blood relatives decided they liked my ex better than they liked me.
Blood makes you related. Loyalty makes you family.
When my friend and her husband were going through some marital difficulties a few years ago, I tried to be supportive of her, and their marriage, because I knew she was hopeful that things would be resolved, and after a time, they pretty much were.
Or so it seemed.
For all intents and purposes, their marriage has been in a steady state of decline for the last 10-15 years and she never really told me how bad things were getting until after the fact.
Why do we do that? Why do we hide the state of things like that? I know, I know, it’s a rhetorical question. *heavysigh*
It brings up so many hard memories. Things I thought, hoped, I’d forgotten. She’ll tell me something her husband did and I’ll say, “Oh yeah, I remember when my ex did that too.” It’s re-living some really difficult moments. Sometimes I think I should write it all down, all the memories, so that I really will forget. I never seem to remember anything once I write it down. The paper remembers so my brain doesn’t have to anymore. That’s my theory anyway.
I think the thing that hurts the most is that her husband has been behaving in pretty much the same fashion as my ex did. And it hurts because I would never ever wish that kind of situation on anyone, least of all someone I care about. At least she knows that I know exactly what she’s going through. Small comfort, that.
So now she is going to the home of another friend of hers, to crash. I am thankful she has that friend, that place to go. I wish it could be me but if it can’t, I’m glad she has someplace.
I am thankful for my friend. She’s a loyal friend. A generous friend. A true friend.
I am thankful I am free. Divorce is hard, but a terrible marriage is harder I think.
I am also thankful for the marriage I have now. It is all the more sweet because I have been on the other side.
This is better.
I will be really thankful if my friend can find it, too.