Posted in Friends, Personal, Thankfulness

Thankfulness

My schedule for my Thankfulness posts is the 2nd Thursday of the month, not on Tuesdays.  But that day … well, it’s hard sometimes to write something on thankfulness when your heart is heavy.  That’s probably the best time to though, isn’t it? 

I have a friend, a dear friend of 30 years (wow!) who’s going through a divorce.  I met her not too long after I met my ex, because my ex and her husband went to high school together.  She and her husband chose Team Vanessa when I got divorced, and since we lived much closer than we do now, they were able to help me a lot – giving me a place to crash, food to eat after my ex cleaned out the accounts, that sort of thing.  I honestly don’t know what I would have done without her.  She never wavered in her support of me.  As my ex’s true nature became more and more exposed, she realized all I’d kept silent about during my marriage, out of shame and embarrassment, and some misplaced sense of honor.  She stood by me when even my blood relatives decided they liked my ex better than they liked me. 

Blood makes you related.  Loyalty makes you family.

When my friend and her husband were going through some marital difficulties a few years ago, I tried to be supportive of her, and their marriage, because I knew she was hopeful that things would be resolved, and after a time, they pretty much were. 

Or so it seemed. 

For all intents and purposes, their marriage has been in a steady state of decline for the last 10-15 years and she never really told me how bad things were getting until after the fact.

Why do we do that?  Why do we hide the state of things like that?  I know, I know, it’s a rhetorical question.  *heavysigh*

It brings up so many hard memories.  Things I thought, hoped, I’d forgotten.  She’ll tell me something her husband did and I’ll say, “Oh yeah, I remember when my ex did that too.”  It’s re-living some really difficult moments.  Sometimes I think I should write it all down, all the memories, so that I really will forget.  I never seem to remember anything once I write it down.  The paper remembers so my brain doesn’t have to anymore.  That’s my theory anyway.

I think the thing that hurts the most is that her husband has been behaving in pretty much the same fashion as my ex did.  And it hurts because I would never ever wish that kind of situation on anyone, least of all someone I care about.  At least she knows that I know exactly what she’s going through.  Small comfort, that. 

So now she is going to the home of another friend of hers, to crash.  I am thankful she has that friend, that place to go.  I wish it could be me but if it can’t, I’m glad she has someplace. 

I am thankful for my friend.  She’s a loyal friend.  A generous friend.  A true friend. 

I am thankful I am free.  Divorce is hard, but a terrible marriage is harder I think. 

I am also thankful for the marriage I have now.  It is all the more sweet because I have been on the other side. 

This is better.

I will be really thankful if my friend can find it, too.

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12 thoughts on “Thankfulness

  1. I’m so sorry to hear about what your friend is going through. I do hope she gets through this tough phase soon and can move on with her life. I am sure she is grateful having you around as a shoulder to lean on…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Crying here. Ness, this is among your most touching posts, and that says a lot. You have such a transparaency about you that really connects. I, too, am helping a friend through a divorce after 25 years of marriage. I’ve known her for 12 and I will not leave her side. It’s a rough transition but we’re all making it through. And, dear Lord, I need to say that I’m very sorry that some of your “relatives” weren’t there for you in your time of need. I’ll stop there (seething). I’m thankful for you and all the brave women in my life. We make each other better ❤ (Tell your friend that I'm praying for her, please.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Angie. Dear Angie. You’re going to make me cry, you know that, right? *hugs* Thank you for your support, dear one. It means more to me than you can know. I’ll be praying for your friend too, and maybe together, our prayers can tend some wounds. *hugs* ❤ Love you!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. It is hard. I know you’ve been through it too, so you can speak from experience. Not a club any of us ever wanted to join, but once here, being supportive and encouraging seems the right thing to do. *hugs*

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  3. It tears my heart when I hear things like this. But then, the world is not so much rosy even if we convince ourselves it is. I am just glad that you and your friend had each other in these trying phases of life. And you are perfectly right about “Blood makes you related. Loyalty makes you family.” Because of the blood-relation, we expect that family will understand us more but sometimes it proves to be the contrary. Miles apart, I can only pray for your friend and yes, by all means she deserves a second chance. I am so happy that the universe gave you the happiness you deserved and you dear Nessie, you are such a wonderful and brave soul ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh Minaxi! So happy to see you here! *hugs*

      Thank you for your kind words, and for your support, they mean the world to me! It is SOOOOO good to see you back! I was getting a bit worried – I knew you were on a Summer thing, so I was going to wait just a few more weeks before hounding you in emails making sure you were okay! lol I can’t tell you how nice it is to see you back! *hugs* ❤ ❤

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      1. *hugs hugs hugs* I dunno what to say. That just sent a shoot of warm fuzzy feelings all over me ❤ ❤ ❤ "Thank you for caring about me" sounds so small so I am just going to send you another set of hugs ok ❤ 🙂
        We went on a looong road trip 🙂 I wrote a post a few days back lamenting about my travel hangover and letting everyone know that I am back but I guessed you missed it and that's why I headed straight to your blog on the catching up part 😀 It felt soooo good to catch up and read all about your soaps and blooms and all the funnies you share ❤

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Oh sweetie, I’m so glad! Warm fuzzies, lol. 🙂 Yes, I’ve been so consumed with a lot of things on the homefront that my blog has kind of been on “auto pilot” for a few days. I’m trying to get all nice and caught up this weekend so expect to see me at your place in the next couple of days. Please have cookies and coffee! LOLOL Love you, sweetie! *hugsX2*

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